Family in the 21st Century

Family in the 21st Century
A talk by Swami Jyotirmayananda at the Global Vision 2000
Youth Conference in Washington, DC


In order to unfold all your potential, and to contribute most to the world you live in and to the family in which you are nurtured, you must gain a deep insight into who you are and what your goal should be. The requirement for all true progress and success is profound insight into these spiritual questions about yourself.


Who are You?

Ask yourself, “Who am I?” Are you this body of flesh and blood? The scriptures and the sages all say that body you are not. As long as your concept of yourself is limited to the body, your aspiration will be low. You may accomplish things in this world, but your accom­plishments will not be truly enduring or significant.

But if your concept of who you are is guided by knowledge, by the scriptures, you will realize that the deeper you is the eternal Self. Each of you is like a wave, the deeper you is like the ocean. That has been the theme of all great religious teachings. When Moses asked God, “What is your name?”, God answered, “l am That Am I.” These words are the same as the Sanskrit equivalent, “Soham Asmi” — “I am That Am I.” This understanding of the deeper identity of every indi­vidual is essential if families in the current age are to be strong and successful.


Dazzling Technology Doesn’t Enhance Real Communication

In the world of today, we are constantly dazzled by technological advancement. You can sit in one place and call anywhere in the world. If you are feeling too tired to move your finger around to push buttons or turn a dial, you can simply speak out and your words will trigger your phone call.

As time passes by you will be able to have T.V. along with your phone calls. Someone predicted that soon you will have phone equipment right on your watch. All that you have to do is lift your wrist and tell it the number you want to call. Within minutes the face of the person will appear!

Certainly there are many amazing advances avail­able now, and there will be even more amazing ones in the future. But does all this really enrich your life? You can sit in your room and talk to people thousands of miles away, but can you talk with sincerity and compas­sion to your husband or wife right near by? Can you communicate with them? Can you understand them?

There is a humorous story about a great scientist who was so preoccupied with intellectual matters and so absorbed in his research that his human relations became terribly awkward. One day, his wife came to him crying bitterly and said, ‘You are not listening to my problems. I cannot take any more of this!” The scientist looked at her and said, “O Madam, do not show me tears. I know all about tears. They are merely some H2O and salt and some other ingredients. Noth­ing else!”

In a humorous way, this story reminds you that if materialistic technology takes over your personality and you begin to look at everything in life in a math­ematical way, you will become a person without heart. You will not be able to meet the demands and chal­lenges of family life with joy and creativity.

Harmony at home is not easy to attain. Family life requires lots of selflessness and flexibility. There is no austerity greater than learning to adapt and adjust to create a harmonious family life.

Think about it: How many people in the West nowadays stay married for a long time? Most people have developed the idea that marriage is only for pleasure. Therefore, as time passes by, they go from one wife to another, from one husband to another. Even at the age of 90 many people are still concerned about their sexual image — and that is the only happi­ness they can think of.

This, however, is not the ideal of Hindu culture, which is backed up by the profound understanding that everyone is innately the Divine Self. The goal of life is to reach out to that Self through the people you love and to realize that Self within your own heart.

According to the Hindu ideal, householders should reach a stage where the sexual urge is not the predomi­nating factor in their relationship. While promoting fidelity in their relationship, they gradually grow be­yond physical communication and realize that there is a deeper level of communication that must be pro­moted: communication on the level of mind and spirit. If husband and wife communicate only at the pleasure level, the relationship is shallow and will not bring an inner sense of security and peace to either partner in the marriage.

Household life must be infused with spirituality to succeed. Husband and wife must learn to assist each other in a movement towards spiritual advancement. If husband and wife do not work together to promote spiritual values, their family will not last long, nor experience the joys of true spiritual communion.

Many husbands and wives become afraid that if their spouse becomes interested in spirituality, they may lose him or her. They fear that their spouse may decide to become a sanyasi (a renunciate), or go to an ashram and never return home. That is an erroneous concept.

Rather, for life to be truly enriched, it must be permeated by spiritual values. If you are a parent trying to educate your children, introduce them to the Ramayana, the Mahabharata, the Gita. Never feel that just providing them with a modern education infused with technological knowledge will give them success and happiness. It may give them a prestigious status in society, but such prestige is not the ultimate goal of life. It is only a means to an end.


Educating Your Children

There are three ways to educate your children: by speech, by example, and by subtle influence. If, for example, you want to keep your children away from substance abuse, you can instruct them in words and warn them about the effects and problems associated with this destructive habit. But at the same time, you must set a good example for them. If you tell your children not to smoke or drink or use drugs, yet you yourself do these things, then it is impossible for the children to obey you. You have to be dignified enough to practice what you preach.

The third method of educating is by influence. This implies imparting a subtle yet powerful spiritual energy to your children that emboldens their will and allows their potential to unfold. If you are practicing meditation daily, repeating mantra and living a life based upon higher ethical values, you create a mystical power within yourself, and that power influences your child. Even though the child may falter occasionally as he or she grows, that power will not allow your child to go too far astray from the higher goals of human life.

In Hindu culture it is believed that education by influence starts even within the mother’s womb. It is said that if a pregnant mother comes into satsanga (good association), the teachings that are given there are imbibed by the growing fetus in an unconscious way. Therefore, a pregnant mother should be given more opportunities for satsanga, for a harmonious style of life, and for elevated goals.

There is a well known story in India about Prahlad, the son of the terrible demon king, Hiranyakashipu. According to the story, Prahlad’s mother was impris­oned by the gods at the time when she was pregnant with Prahlad, and Sage Narada used to visit that prison and give spiritual teachings. Due to the subtle influ­ence of those teachings, Prahlad was born with divine rather than demoniac impressions, and from his very childhood was a great devotee of Lord Vishnu.


Characteristics of a Good Family

A good family is characterized by harmony in relationships, mutual respect among its members, a spirit of hospitality and spiritual aspiration. A family unit, like any unit in society, will be truly successful to the extent that each of its members can develop the vision that the “others” are not really others, but rather are like a part of their very own self.

A simple illustration of this sublime vision comes from the life of Ramana Maharshi. This great sage was an enlightened personality who was often in a state of deep meditation, merging into superconsciousness. One night some thieves entered into his ashram, thinking that there must be a lot of money there given by his many disciples. Instead, they found the sage with closed eyes and tried to awaken him, but he wouldn’t respond. Angrily, they started beating him with a stick.

Hearing the commotion, some of the disciples got up and rushed to their guru’s side. After finding out what had happened, they picked up sticks and told Ramana Maharshi that they were going to run after those thieves and beat them up. But the guru stopped them and said: “If your teeth bite your tongue, do you knock them off?”

This response of the wise sage should always be remembered when human relationships become strained. All relationships, not only within your family, but in the whole world, should become like teeth and tongue. Even those who appear evil should not be viewed with ill will. Rather, when we look at others, we must see beyond the surface realities to discover the Self in all and all in the Self. That type of heart has to be developed if one is to become a true Hindu.

If you are a true Hindu, you are a true Christian, you are a true Mohammedan, you are a truly religious person. The Hindu ideal is the ideal for all humanity, and to work for that ideal is most inspiring. It is a great privilege to be born into a tradition that has pro­duced such great personalities as Ramana Maharshi, Ramakrishna Paramhamsa, Swami Vivekananda, Ma­hatma Gandhi, and others. Hold these spiritual giants as your examples, grow in their shadows, and encour­age your children to become just like them. Do not dream of being in India, but let the Ganges flow in the United States — for wherever you are, it is the philosophical climate that you generate within yourself and your family that matters, nothing else.

May God bless you all with long life, peace, and prosperity — and families that produce spiritual giants like Swami Vivekananda!

“International Yoga Guide” Vol. 34, NO. 6, February 1997



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